he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
