Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
