Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
