well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
