exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
