shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
