apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
