can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
