Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
