I hate your face
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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