Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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