some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
