you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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