he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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