Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
