I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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