Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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