Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
