if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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