I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
