I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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