There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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