i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
