A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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