When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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