I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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