so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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