Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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