it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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