I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
