so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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