If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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