wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
