His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
