I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
