I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
