we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
