So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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