Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
