you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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