the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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