Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
