Banned from zoo.
Again?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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