My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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