Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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