Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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