his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
