I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This toilet bowl is my home.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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