Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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