I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
